Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Today is my birthday and being the BIGGEST birthday girl ever I will throw out some thoughts about this day:
*I wish I could wear the shirt pictured right now.
*Lily slept from 11:40pm-5:20am. I'm pretty sure it was the mojito, but I'll think of it as her birthday present to me.
*I ate 2 celebratory brownies for breakfast.
*I love my birthday.
I think it is really interesting how people feel about their birthdays. Some people, like Gid, just smile and shrug and the day goes by. Others, like me, get little trills of excitement (that does read trills and not thrills, because the trills come out as excited little giggles) weeks leading up to the big day. My birthday is like a holiday. (No, I don't mean everyone should celebrate it.) But in the same way on a holiday you look back and remember all the past celebrations, on my birthday I look back and remember all the other birthdays of my life. Who was there, what I did, what I felt. I think of my grandma on my birthday and I remember my birthday as a little girl, and I think of Peter and I remember my birthday as an older girl. It's kind of a 24 hour touchstone for me. This is me, this is my birthday, this is who I love and have loved, this is what I like and have liked. It can have melancholy moments and blissed out ones. It's all good.
The birthday memory that hit me this morning was from 2000. Peter and I were first dating and that morning he had left a present for me on the porch- a book of Lisel Mueller's poems. I skipped school (of course I did, it was my birthday) and drove to San Gregorio Beach near Half Moon Bay. I climbed up a hill to a little spot on the edge and I read those poems and watched the ocean and smelled all those good smells. (I really must get a field guide so I can identify all those coastal plants that smell so herby and delicious.)
The girl I am now still loves her birthday and still wants all the candles. I don't know that 3 will ever cut it. I appreciate the sentiment: past, present and future, but it's a little half-ass to me.
Posted by jillyg at 7:51 AM